posted March 22, 2002 05:20 PM            

Part I

The audience walks into the theatre, for a night of entertainment. Everywhere, one can see men dressed in tuxedos and women dressed in evening gowns. Everyone is ready for a good show, as they take their seats to get comfortable.

In the moments that lead up to the overture, the rustling of chairs and the sounds of coughs fill the air. The lights dim down, and the curtain starts to move slightly. And finally, the play begins. The curtain rises.

The orchestra plays an instrumental version of Remy Zero's "Save Me," a breezy rocker that sets the tone for the first several minutes of the play. As the song plays, the dancers come from stages right and left, doing back flips across the stage. They reach the end of the stage, signaling the second wave of dancers to do their dancing. The second wave starts running out, leaping in between steps to give them momentum for triple axles (without the skates or French judges). Now, as the dancers finish, Steph walks out onto the stage as the overture finishes, using one of the ending lines from "Save Me."

"I made this whole world shine for you," Steph says. Her body nothing more than a silhouette to the audience.

The setting: The Sheikcave.

The plot: Not too long ago, Duncan had fallen into the hands of N*Sync and Britney Spears, who were going to make Duncan a fixture on the TRL circuit. Rob and Steph, upset by these turn of events, vowed to rescue Duncan. With the help of the Smurfs, they succeeded, but not without some trouble. During the rescue, Duncan had nearly fallen out of the TRL building in Times Square, but before he could fall to the mob below, Steph saved him. Duncan, as a result, promised Steph a date. He also promised to allow Rob perform on a session for the upcoming "For" CD.

A couple of months passed....

Rob walked into the Sheikcave where the Donuts were hanging out, waiting for the next case. Or, as Shari said nicely, "To make the world save for good music." Rob had a great big smile on his face, and Steph noticed.

"Why are you so happy, Rob?" Steph asked.

"I just performed with Duncan and Patrick Leonard. And my guitar track will be placed on the upcoming CD," Rob said excitedly.

"That's great news," Shari, Alex, Jenn, Fred, and Richard said.

"Did Duncan say anything about me?" Steph asked.

"No," Rob answered, "but he's just been busy with recording. Duncan is a cool guy. He won't forget you."

"I hope not," Steph said dejected.

Steph is a very strong woman, a sweet personality with a dirty sense of humor. She has that combination every guy is looking for, but just can't find. Yet, over Duncan, she hoped he would call. She needed to know. So, Steph decided to call Madame Cleo for answers.

The phone rings, and Madame Cleo answers:

"Hello, help me make a fortune," she opens.

"Huh?," Steph says, "What do you mean?"

"Um...uh, I mean, help me read your fortune," Madame Cleo responded in an attempt to cover up her mistake.

"Yeah, well---" Steph said, but she was interrupted.

"I have a strong vision," Madame Cleo said, "there is a woman in your life who is cheating on you."

"NO!!!" Steph said angrily. "You're not even close."

"Don't tell the Shaman no, for the terot cards do not lie," Madame Cleo said.

"Oh, take your terot cards and go to hell," Steph said before she hung up the phone.

The nerve of some people, Steph thought. However, she could only think of Duncan, wondering if he will ever take her on the promised date.

"Don't worry, sweetie," Shari said, "Duncan won't forget you."

Steph thought about it, and then she sang....

"Duncan"
Play to the tune of The Strokes' "Last Nite."

Duncan
You said, "Oh Steph, I'm gonna take you out."
But now you don't call
What's that about.

And I, I'm getting pissed.
Oh Duncan, I feel so hurt
I know this for sure
I'm walking out that door.

Well, I saved your life from the clutches of, oh, MTV
Oh Duncan, I feel so down, and I know why
I keep hoping you'd call

You see, Donuts, they don't understand
No Friends, they can't understand
My Duncan, he won't understand.
Moreover I, I ain't every gonna understand.

Duncan
You said, "Oh Steph, I'm gonna take you out."
But now you don't call
What's that about

And I, I'm getting pissed.
Oh Duncan, I think I'll be alright
But it will take some time
If you will not call

Oh Donuts, they don't understand
No Friends, they won't understand
Duncan, he don't understand
And me, I will never understand

Duncan
You said, "Oh Steph, I'm gonna take you out."
But now you don't call
What's that about

And I, I'm getting pissed
Oh Duncan, I feel so tired
I know this for sure
I'm walking out that door....

Steph finished singing the song when Fred walked over to her and said, "Steph, love, I don't think you want to walk out that door. Its cold, and you'll freeze your arse off. Its cold as hedes out there."

"I didn't know hedes was cold this time of year," Steph said with a smile.

"Come on, dear," Alex said, "lets go take your mind off Duncan for awhile."

Fred, Alex, Shari, and Steph walked off the stage.

Meanwhile, Jenn had some news that she wanted to share with the Donuts. She was going to try out for the part of Queen Victoria in a future independent film called, "Victoia." She walked over to Rob and Britt to tell them the news.

"Guess what guys," Jenn said, "I'm going to audition for an independent film called 'Victoria'."

"That's great news, Jenn," Britt said. "What part are you trying out for?"

"Queen Victoria," Jenn answered.

"I didn't know you did acting," Rob said, "I only thought you did guys; after all, you were Kandi Kane."

"Ouch," Britt said, "That's mean. Jenn has that in her past now, and she's got bigger accomplishments to aim for now."

"I guess you can call faking orgasims acting," Rob said with a smile on his face. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Jenn."

"You didn't hurt me, Rob," Jenn said. "I love to kid people, so I guess I deserve some good natured ribbing in return. However, there's more to me than being an ex-stripper."

"There's so much more," Jenn repeated.

Begins to sing, "More Than a Whore."

"More Than a Whore"
Free Form Lyric (No parody)

There's more to me than the stripper they see
Underneath my skin, I want to be free
I have a heart and a mind to go with it
That means so much more than some bare, naked tit

I'm more than a whore
I'm more than a tramp
That guys pick up
For a one night stand

I'm more than a whore
I'm more than a slut
And guys love me for
My big, boney butt

I'm tired of being so misunderstood
Like some sleezy tramp in the neighborhood
I have opinions and ideas to express
That goes unnoticed in a long, warm caress

I'm more than a whore
I'm more than a tramp
That guys pick up
For a one night stand

I'm more than a whore
I'm more than a slut
And guys love me for
My big, boney butt

I have wants and I have needs
That goes far beyond
Sexual ecstacy
I have fears and I am scared
Of falling far short
On my hopes and my dreams

I'm more than a whore
I'm more than a tramp
That guys pick up
For a one night stand

I'm more than a whore
I'm more than a slut
And guys love me for
My big, boney butt

(At this point, the rest of the cast comes in to help Jenn sing the final two verses of the song: Steph, Rob, Jenn, Shari, Fred, Britt, Alex, and Richard).

She's more than a whore
She's more than a tramp
To us, she's just Jenn
A Canadian

She's more than a whore
She's more than a slut
She has a big dream
To be on the big screen.

This is the end of my beginning. I hope everyone enjoyed the opening of the mock musical.

posted March 25, 2002 01:14 PM            

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I think I did it again
I made you believe I was cured of the pain
Oh baby
It might seem like a phase
But it sure does seem like I'm serious
'Cause to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby

:Chorus:
Oops!...I watched it again
I turned on the porn, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!...You think I'm obsessed
That I'm sending you some
And I seem so innocent

You see my problem is this
I'm dreaming away
Wishing that Barbies, they truly exist
I cry, watching the movies
Jenn can see I'm a fool in so many ways
And I've lost all my senses
That is just so typically me
Baby, oh

Chorus:
Oops!...I watched it again
I clicked on the link, got lost in the scene Oh baby, baby
Oops!...You think I'm obsessed
That I think it's sent from above
Still I seem so innocent

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Rob is now dancing around the room. When he hears a knock on the door.
Rob: Who's there?
Jenn: Rob! Open up! I know what you are doing in there! It's time to stop this! You need serious help!
Rob: I do not. I'm not obsessed. Weren't you listening to my song?

To the crowd: I'm not that innocent!

(end scene)

posted March 26, 2002 08:11 AM            

So I see Steph is doing some mocking of her own! hehehehe... that was too funny!! " Oop's I watched it again" hehehe.. I was laughing the whole time! But, beware!! soon my dear sweet little donut, revenge will unfold. hahahaha....hehehehe... (very evil laughter).

posted March 27, 2002 09:01 AM            

Yes, I want some revenge... hahahahaha... and I will soon get some!!(revenge that is) hehehe... I'm thinking up a real good come back!

posted March 27, 2002 07:34 PM            

I like big butts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tucked
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring....

posted March 29, 2002 08:43 PM            

The second part of the story will hopefully be up sometime this weekend.

Richard

posted April 01, 2002 07:59 AM            

The donut goes by the name of Steph!! hehehe...

posted April 01, 2002 01:08 PM            

i think someone should add a part to the story where duncan releases the info that he is married...that would really start a bunch if $^#^...lol...

duncanstwirler: I THOUGHT HIS NAME WAS JESUS??

lol...

posted April 03, 2002 12:26 AM            

At the present moment, I've been going through a bit of writer's block. So, I don't feel like much of a creative writing guru. Everything will work out in the end. Hopefully, and its a big HOPEFULLY at that, I will have something new up for the musical sometime this week.

Will Steph get her date with Duncan, or will she grow attaracted to another Donut?

Will Jenn win her part for Queen Victoria?

Will Rob ever get over his porn addiction, or will it run his life?

One thing is for certain...there will be someone who thinks Fred wears nice pants.

Tune in later...on this out of control thread.

posted April 03, 2002 09:11 AM            

Steph get's a call... to her surprise, it's the King dounut himself!! Steph goe's nut's!! she could'nt beleive it!! her dream date is finally gonna come true(hehehe)

"Hello, Steph? It's Duncan.

Steph reply's( with druell dripping down her opened mouth) OH MY GOD!!

Dunac notices the abnormailty and try's to play it off. "Um, yea it's nice to meest you as well. I'm sorry this has taken so long, but I've been recroding my new album, Rob playe in it and I must say he the best darn guitarist out there! I'm still trying to figure out his tunings, but anyway, enough about Rob. What time shall I pick yuo up?

Steph reply's: OH MY GOD...

This time Duncan scratches his head and say's "um... shall we say 7:00pm?"

Steph reply's : OH MY GOD!!

Knowing it was a lost case, Duncan reply's: then 7:00pm it is!!

Once they hung up, the rest of the female Donut's grab Steph and start doin' there make up treatment on her.

Poor Steph, she does'nt know how to act!! she does'nt want to cause a wrong impression. She want's to com off as a nice chick who knows a bi about music but can also meditate and hold an iteresting converation. What shall she ever do?

The rest of the donut chick's new she was a mess, so they gave her some advice on table manners,(ya know, not eatinf with your hands, keep the elbows offthe table, and what ever you do, DO NOT BURP) Anyway, they start off telling her things like, "girl, you betta move that bootie" Jenn reply's " yea bitch, ya betta listen to what the my hommie wolf spirit is tellin' ya" Kelley pitches in: " Don't forget to floss" Britt joins in " if you fell too nervouse, just start meditating"

And on and on they went...

At 7:00pm Duncan arrives... he rings the door bell, and to his pleasant surprise a beautiful girl opens the door. It's Steph, with her hair made up and wearing a dashing dress. She even took a shower and shaved her arm pits.

Duncan, with a charming grin on his face say's" you must be Steph" He takes her by the hand and they go off....

Duncan takes her to a real classy place...

Everything is going pefect. The dinner was lovely, and Steph could'nt have been more graciouse... until... she forgets to take her medication, and her panic attack ste's in...

The first thing symptom is a nevouse tick on her left eye tah she has had finally gotten rid through years of therapy... Duncan notices and feel's embarissed for her... then she starts interrupting Duncan with strange gigles and weeeeird affermations like, " yes, this is my final answer" " yes, yes"

Steph try's to get a hold of herself, and remebers her fellow Donuts advice. She start's flossing right there in front of him, one thing leads to another and she get's up on the table and starts singing:

"dale a tu cuerpo alegrai macarena, porue tu cuerpo es pa dale alegria y cosa buena, dale tu cuerpo alegria macarena, heeeeey macarena!!"

As she singing, she's moving her bootie left and right with a string of foss hanging from her mouth!! By this time, Duncan could'nte take it anymore so he calls his body guard Bruno.

Bruno walks in and goes directly to steph and takes her. Steph starts yelling "heeeey macarena!! Duuuuuuncan I love you baby! wait stop I have right's!! you have the right to remain silent- ahhh I can't take it anymore!!!

So they take her away to the toon of "Idrive mysekf crazy" by Nsync...

posted April 03, 2002 06:54 PM            

This portion of "A Donut for Duncan" is rated TV-MA (even though the theatre doesn't have a TV rating system). Anyone that fears that their wholesome development as an individual will be stunted by reading this sick, twisted, and demented piece of garbage, please click the back button on your computer screen now. Not later or after you've read this portion of the play, but NOW!!!

Be reminded that "A Donut for Duncan" may not represent the ideas and opinions of this website's webmaster and message board community, or denote that the people writing this play have nothing but time on their hands (although we do). Be aware, this play is for JOKE PURPOSES ONLY!!!! Nothing serious should be taken from this play.

Now, on with the play:

When Steph returned home from her date with Duncan, she wondered if she still had a chance with Duncan. She was so nervous on the date, and it ultimately showed in how she handled the evening. Poorly.

"Will there be another chance?" Steph thought. "Even though I messed up, will I get that second chance?"

At that time, Steph heard a loud noise coming from Rob's room.

"What the hell is that?" Steph wondered.

It sounded like Rob was having a good time, but Rob always has a good time. Unbeknownst to Steph, Rob was looking at his porn. The addiction Rob has yet to kick. Unfortunately, it was consuming most of Rob's time, and it was taking a toll on his music. He played great during Duncan's recording sessions, but afterwards, the porn returned. For Rob, his computer was an escape, and the pornography was his land of ecstacy.

Rob starts to sing:

Rob's Song (I Got Hooked)
Free Form Lyric

I always look at my computer screen
To get me through the lonely times
Pornography is an addictive drug
Helping lonely people get off
And I'm hooked

And I'm hooked

Computer screen or a magazine
I can never look away
Video or a kinky sex line
I can never walk away
And I'm hooked

And I'm hooked

I tried to lead a clean and healthy life
But pornos have prevented me
Pornography is an addictive drug
Helping lonely people get off
And I'm hooked

And I'm hooked

At this time, Steph walked into Rob's room and noticed that Rob had downloaded some porn off the internet.

"What the hell is this?" Steph asked.

"Um, nothing," Rob said with a sheepish grin. "Would you believe they're playing checkers?"

"No, it looks more like butt darts if you ask me," Steph said. "Rob, my boy, I think you have a problem."

"I know, but I just can't turn away," Rob said with a resigned tone. To Rob, it seemed like the addiction has beat him (pun intended). However, Steph was not going to let that happen.

"I'll help you Rob, but only if you convince Duncan to give me a second chance," Steph said with a big cheesy grin.

"Will you help me?" Rob asked.

"Yes," answered Steph.

"Then, I'll get you that second chance with Duncan," Rob replied. Both Rob and Steph entered into a friendly embrace. It was a touching moment, except:

"I'll help you out, Rob, but you need to get rid of your erection," Steph quipped in a shocking tone.

"Sorry," Rob said embarrassed.

"What do you want to do with Duncan during your second date?" Rob asked.

"I want to charm Duncan with my wit, bravado, and sexy good looks. Then, I want him to do me," Steph said with a sly smile.

"Do you?" Rob asked.

"Yes, do me," Steph said.

Steph starts to sing another tune.

Do Me
To the tune of Remy Zero's "Save Me."

I get so horny thinking about him
I wish he would come inside of me
And it makes me feel good
And I would give him anything he wanted, yeah
He is all I wanted
All of my thought revolve around
Fooling around

Duncan just do me
Let your soft hands touch my body
Duncan just do me
Anyway you want to do it
Just do, do, come on
I've been waiting for you

I see all my dreams landing in your hands
I dream that he would come inside
And it makes me feel good
And I would give him anything he wanted, yeah
He is all I wanted
All of my thoughts revolve around
Fooling around

Duncan just do me
Let your soft hands touch my body
Duncan just do me
Anyway you want to do it
Just do, do, come on
I've been waiting for you

All of my thoughts revolve around
Fooling around

Duncan just do me
Let your soft hands touch my body
Duncan just do me
Anyway you want to do it
Just play with me
I would do anything for you
Just do, do, come on
I've been waiting for you.

The audience erupts in a loud applause, giving Steph a long standing ovation.

Rob, looking stunned, said, "God, no wonder Duncan doesn't want to come around here anymore. But honestly, I didn't know you could sing this well."

"I didn't either," Steph said.

(End Scene).

Meanwhile, Jenn was getting ready for her audition. She had been up for the past several nights, rehersing her lines for the movies. If she gets selected, she will play Queen Victoria in the independent film "Victoria."

Jenn is a nice girl with a nice heart, although she comes off as very opinionated on the message boards she frequents. For some reason, she invites controversy. However, in reality, Jenn is not that way at all. She has come a long way from being Kandi Kane.

As Jenn was rehersing his lines, Fred walked into the room in an interesting pair of pants. The pants reminded some of the donuts of golf pants that someone's grandfather would wear. They were full of bright, assorted colors, and they made Fred stand out in the crowd. In fact, if Fred ever got lost, his pants would be used as a tracking device since they could also glow in the dark.

"Aren't these pants funky?" Fred asked.

"Oh, yeah, nice pants," Jenn said sarcastically. "I'm a girl who likes regular jeans and slacks. Your pants are you, but not for me."

"These pants are damny funky, like their owner," Fred said in his typically laid back tone. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready for my audition," Jenn said. "Would you like to hear me read my lines?"

"Sure, love."

Fred sat down and waited to hear Jenn read her lines.

Jenn went towards center stage, and the theatre light highlighted her to the rest of the crowd. As the spotlight reigned on Jenn, the rest of the stage grew dark. And Jenn spoke:

"We poor creatures are born for man's pleasure and amusement, and destined to go through endless sufferings and trials... What is worse is that men do not even appreciate the sacrifices made by a wife[.] 'Dear Papa' even is not quite exempt though he would not admit it -- but he laughs and sneers constantly at many of them and at our unavoidable inconvenience."

(Quote(s) from DEAREST CHILD: LETTERS BETWEEN QUEEN VICTORIA AND THE PRINCESS ROYAL PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED, edited & copyrighted by Roger Fulford 1964, 1992. Page 205. It comes from a letter dated 10 August 1859.)

The lights returned to the stage, and Fred walked over to Jenn and said:

"You need more feeling. Without feeling, you'll never get the part."

"Don't count me out, Fred, I'm going to do it," Jenn responded.

There was a determined tone in Jenn's voice, as if she would make sure that nothing wrong happened. If anyone believed in Jenn's abilities as an actress, it was only Jenn. Jenn knew she could do it, and the donuts supported her even though they were all skeptical about her chances of making it. And Jenn sings:

For Kandi ('Cos They Already Are)
To the tune of Pete Yorn's "For Nancy ('Cos It Already Is)

And when I heard I could not act that well
Those aren't the words I would have wanted to hear
I tell myself that everyone is all wrong
'Cos they already are

Don't give up now and hang up everything
I want to act and will do anything
I tell myself that everyone is all wrong
'Cos they already are

I will take my lessons hard and work harder
And when I reach my dream, don't come to me
I tell myself that everyone is all wrong
'Cos they already are

Yeah, they already are

I will take my lessons hard and work harder
And when I reach my dream, don't come to me
I tell myself that everyone is all wrong
'Cos they already are

Yeah, they already are

So, I will act
So, I will act
I will act
I will act.

That's the end of this portion. I hope you enjoyed it.

posted April 04, 2002 07:33 AM            

So, what's gonna happen with Steph's date? How will she help Rob with his porn adiction? Will Jenn ever make it? We gotta
come up with something... hehehe...

posted April 04, 2002 01:43 PM            

Kellye

posted April 04, 2002 05:07 PM            

I put a part in there for you. You tell Steph "don't forget to floss"

So, ya think she should date me? We'd probably make a dashing couple!!

You can your own twist to this, so write something up about how Steph fall's in love with me ... the same old Dr. falls in love with patient thing, like that movie the english patient...put with out me getting burned up- and in the movie the nurse does'nt fall in love with the burnt guy, but anyway, that's an entirely different story. Please do not take me seriousely right now, I'v extend this explination far too long.

he,he