posted July 12, 2001 06:29 PM            

I was in a public bathroom today, you know, to pee. when i went to play in the water (i mean wash my hands), a woman came in and had to prepare to pee. she put all the 1 ply toilet paper down to guard against those lethal germs. i always find this a funny thing to do. like 1 ply tissue paper is gonna stop all those nice bacteria that people carry around on their butts. bc everyone knows that germs sit and wait on cold plastic toilet seats for your butt to come along and infect it. needless to say, i was amused.

so she gets up and proceeds to kick the handle. i think what the hell is she doing? then i realize that this isnt your ordinary germs paranoid. no, i think we have a freak, ladies and gentleman. So, she is kicking the handle to get it to flush bc i guess germs camp out on handles too and after about three times of unsuccessful flushing, i am laughing. in a quiet bathroom, you have no idea how loud giggling is. so im muffling my tears & my papertowel is used to stiffle the rolling laughter which is on the brink. im shaking and thinking if there is ever a more inappropriate time to laugh, i think i have found it. because now i have embarrased this poor woman and as soon as she gets her bruce lee moves down and successfully flushes, i will have to face her with these tears in my eyes. so think sad thoughts mari! puppies dying, children dropping their ice cream, c'mon. stop laughing! this doesnt help bc i know that i am trying to talk myself down and trick myself, which is making me laugh even harder.

so in the end she flushes the damn thing. that is when i decide that i am too much of a pussy to face her and run out.

you cant imagine the looks you get when you walk out of a bathroom with tear streaks running down your face and laughter still in your voice. it was somewhere between confusion, and that face you make when you sit down to a Where's Waldo book, that look of determination of I'm-gonna-find-that-bastard-if-it-kills-me face. if you saw a girl come out of a bathroom laughing, you are sticking around to see what walks out that is so funny. a clown with paper stuck to its big red shows, confetti, a dirty joke, a midget, something. How sad that the awaiting public was met with an embarrassed woman who probably hates me.

The End.