posted February 14, 2002 09:32 PM            

Everything happens SO FAST! I mean your ex-gf's friend commits suicide three days ago, and it seems that ALL of these feelings are coming to a head now - but have obviously been building for a long time. Adam, please don't take this wrong. I am only writing because your words really worry me. I am NOT writing because I am saying "you don't know what you are talking about because I am guessing you are very young." No! But you are saying "my ex-gf's best friend committed suicide Monday night, my dad says that "we shouldn't look at death as a sad thing, but a happy way because it means that person won't have to suffer anymore.." Whoah! Hold it right there! Just what was she "suffering" from that was so painful that your dad seems to be saying "suicide is justified?" I am in my late 30's and I really do care about the younger people around this message board. No B.S there. I'm not being phony. Adam - in my opinion, there is NEVER justification for suicide in a young person's life, but you didn't really talk about that. You DID say "I had often thought of suicide..."?? Adam!
You are on a VERY frightening roller coaster, and I suggest you get some qualified help for your emotions, and for ANYONE, especially these younger generations, that seem to see "suicide" as something that just "happens" - because after trying to sort out all of the agony in a a person's life, it all continues to suck! Well, sometimes it does suck. I've seen it suck a lot. Sometimes for quite awhile. And it's no picknick in my life right now. But I've lived long enough to see that eventually good times ARE restored, as I get older. I remember being 15 and my 17 yr old boyfriend shot himself in the head in his bedroom one day. His mom found him that way, and that event will haunt her, and effect ME - for the rest of all those who were involved for the rest of our lives! What GOOD has come out of him doing that? He hated the circumstances of his life. Well, circumstances can change by the minute. Had he just gotten help and waited the bad times out, I'm sure he would have been a much different person even "months" later. But "months" can feel like a lifetime, I know. But DEATH is FINAL. And the thing is Adam, that eventually you DO get off this roller coaster, and even though there continues to be ups and downs, you learn how to get off and take a break when you have to. But you have to go through it to GET to the other side. I'm probably going to get in a heap of trouble here for saying all this in all kinds of ways - but I see a young man here in CRISIS!

One more thing - Adam, the issue is NOT whether your "friends" should let you in on the grieving process; it's about your state of mind. I'll let people probably closer to your own age (I really don't know how old you are) tell you how they feel, since you chose to bring this up in this forum. But you might want to take this over to the "Non-Duncan" discussion. Duncan Sheik has nothing to do with this. Yes, his music, like anyone else's, has a profound effect upon how we feel. But I see you typing words of suicide just as easily as you are asking if anyone else has had "any experiences in which Duncan's songs seem to do something for you or reflect a situation, good or bad..."

Adam, you answered your own dilemma with one phrase when you said "what should I do (to help her). I NEED HELP..." Yes you do. But it's nothing to be ashamed of. We ALL need help. But I just couldn't help but say this because I am on God's side, and believe it or not, God is on your side as well. I hope you take a good look at what the real issue is here - you seem to be crying out for help and you need a good support system around you. I'll step back now, and not say another word. But something made me take time to write this. I haven't always believed in God - just in the last four years. So I DO know how you feel. I've felt just that way. "Screwed over." But believe it or not, it hurts God much more to see you go through all this pain that it does how you feel, or not feel, toward Him. Let those in your life who REALLY love you (I really hope your dad's words were misconstrued in some way...) - get you the support you need. Adam, YOU are worth it. Tonight, right here and now, before I fix dinner for my family, YOU have affected how I've spent the last 15 minutes in my life. Maybe because I have a young son. Maybe because I can't HELP but care.
I hope things get better for you. Take it on up on the other side with those people here you do trust. I know I'm surely not one of them - that is okay. I just had to reach out to you - and that is all. Good luck.
Shari

posted February 17, 2002 10:43 PM            

We have to except the good and the bad. The pleasurable and the painful. It makes us stronger. There is no other way in life. There is no escape daily. It's just the way it is. Yeah Life can be a package, but I have seen the beauty and peace that comes from being strong and excepting what life dishes out constantly. (The good and the Bad) When weakness sneaks in... I start to get weird thoughts, but I know that to be strong, to win is to accept the good and the bad. No one can have all Good things all the time.If this were the case, we would not appreciate the happy, positive things as much. There is a rainbow waiting for you, just under the clouds. Those clouds pass, the sun shines brightly and once again...we are able to see the light. Don't be fooled Adam by the trick of the day. Be strong...we all care. We all care very much and are here for you always.